Imagine that you feel no pain. It sounds like a good idea. We do not like physical or psychological pain. We can go to extreme lengths to avoid or minimize it by:
- Choosing harmony over conflict in a professional environment, as confronting others can be intimidating and, therefore, painful.
- Sleepwalking to a career we didn’t choose because we perceive all other scenarios as painful.
- Avoiding asking for a salary raise from our employer because many find it painful to ask for more money.
- Avoiding a difficult discussion with our life partner because it might cause pain for them or us.
The list can go on forever, it is different for each of us, and it depends on which country and culture we live in.
Let’s assume that you are like most humans and feel physical pain. Now imagine you have lived in some hunter-gatherer environment till now without exposure to the life most people live in the developed world. You suddenly enter an apartment; you find yourself in the kitchen with a relatively hot stove. Your simple brain wants to touch this round, black thing you have never seen before, and the moment you do, you feel the pain from the hot stove. For a few seconds or minutes, it still hurts. You’ve learned, though, an important lesson: you are never going to touch this stove again.
Pain has a negative connotation in our lives. When possible, I try to rewire myself to appreciate the pain. It sounds easy to say this in words. It’s hard to do it in practice when what is at stake is not a hot stove and my finger feeling pain but something bigger like relationships, careers, health, and life decisions. It can serve, though, as a useful reflection while you’re experiencing the pain.
Appreciate the pain, sometimes seek it. Also, as Simon Sinek puts it:
Appreciate when things go awry. It makes for a better story to share later
